1 00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:14,057 [dramatic music] 2 00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:23,632 Gosh, I'm pretty sure I just saw a cougar about 10 feet 3 00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:24,894 from my front door. 4 00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:28,071 It's just me and you, and you're a camera. 5 00:00:28,115 --> 00:00:28,811 Right? 6 00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:30,465 I'm all alone right now. 7 00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:32,075 And I want to build a whole new shelter. 8 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,816 It's imperative. 9 00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:35,557 Then I can be warm and cook my food and have the rain off me. 10 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:36,775 That's huge. 11 00:00:36,819 --> 00:00:38,386 ALAN: I'm just kind of in a rut now. 12 00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:40,475 So it's like, what's left to prove, you know? 13 00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,955 I'd rather be home, reading a book to my kids right now. 14 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:44,348 I just started losing it. 15 00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:46,046 I'm just bored and I just want to go home. 16 00:00:46,089 --> 00:00:47,482 I'm so sick of this place. 17 00:00:47,525 --> 00:00:50,267 Sick, sick of it, sick of it. 18 00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:51,964 So sick of it. 19 00:00:52,008 --> 00:00:53,792 This is going to be a bitch. 20 00:00:53,836 --> 00:00:55,664 We have to film it, and we're totally alone. 21 00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,927 Nobody knows what it's like here, except for the 10 22 00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:58,928 guys out here, doing it. 23 00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:00,103 I'm going to get shelter. 24 00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:01,365 MITCH: There's nobody here but me. 25 00:01:01,409 --> 00:01:03,280 LUCAS: It's so hard doing this alone. 26 00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:05,413 I'm scared to death right now. 27 00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:07,502 ALAN: I feel like I'm starving. 28 00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,112 [growling] 29 00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:10,548 I'm pretty sure I just saw a cougar. 30 00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:11,854 Oh, [bleep]. 31 00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,464 SAM: The last man standing wins $500,000. 32 00:01:13,508 --> 00:01:15,031 [theme music] 33 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,119 MITCH: I don't want to go home. 34 00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:17,207 I want to win. 35 00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:18,991 This is the chance in a lifetime, 36 00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:20,515 but it's not worth dying over. 37 00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:27,478 [music playing] 38 00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:47,150 Hello. 39 00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:49,979 I haven't filmed anything for a few days, 40 00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:53,939 because life has just been that bad here. 41 00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:55,376 The weather's terrible. 42 00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:58,814 My body is just kind of shot. 43 00:01:58,857 --> 00:02:00,772 All I've done is laid still. 44 00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:05,299 And when I stand up, I feel dizzy. 45 00:02:05,342 --> 00:02:07,083 I don't know what I'm trying to adjust to, 46 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:11,522 if it's food or what. 47 00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:13,568 But between the inactivity and just being laid out, 48 00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:15,439 there's been nothing to talk about. 49 00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:17,398 [music playing] 50 00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:19,965 Food is what's on my mind right now. 51 00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:23,795 Morale and psychology, meh, they're there. 52 00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:25,754 They fluctuate. 53 00:02:25,797 --> 00:02:31,934 But the food thing, it's been a bit lean the past few days. 54 00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:32,891 When I stand up, it's like-- 55 00:02:32,935 --> 00:02:34,980 [blowing air] 56 00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,374 [babbling] 57 00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:41,813 I'm going to have to go get some hemlock bark at some point, 58 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:44,251 because I'm going to need some kind of starch or carbohydrate. 59 00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:46,731 Because it's just like, my energy level has dropped, 60 00:02:46,775 --> 00:02:48,907 and I have to will myself to take my foot up to walk. 61 00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:50,213 It's like, move! 62 00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:51,649 Come on, move! 63 00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:52,737 I know you can do it. 64 00:02:52,781 --> 00:02:54,174 You're sitting there, and like-- 65 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:56,611 [groaning] --there's a step. 66 00:02:56,654 --> 00:02:59,657 So when you get that tired, something's missing. 67 00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:02,443 You cannot maintain this kingdom of manhood, 68 00:03:02,486 --> 00:03:05,881 this temple of testosterone on seaweed alone. 69 00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:07,491 Can't be done. 70 00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:10,712 I've been looking around for slugs, anything-- you know, 71 00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:12,017 better food. 72 00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:13,628 Because I was starting to feel the loop-di-dos. 73 00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:19,242 Because of the tides, I've not been 74 00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:21,636 able to do anything about food. 75 00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:23,507 I've not been able to check my fish trap, 76 00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:25,988 because I know I need to do some work on it. 77 00:03:26,031 --> 00:03:29,731 I've not been able to look at the gill net. 78 00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:32,690 I've not been able to do many things that I need to do, 79 00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:36,128 because the tides have all been happening at night time. 80 00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:40,132 It's been very, very hard on me. 81 00:03:40,176 --> 00:03:43,266 Past four days have really taken a toll, really have. 82 00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,137 Not much ingestion other than just 83 00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:47,923 run down, get a handful of seaweed-- 84 00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:50,795 which, I mean, you know, that's just something in your stomach 85 00:03:50,839 --> 00:03:53,015 to say, OK, don't die. 86 00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:56,236 So that's that. 87 00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:59,456 And hopefully I'll find something-- insects, 88 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:06,681 slow-moving hikers, anything, stray dog, cat, rat. 89 00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:08,509 Wishing for a German chocolate cake. 90 00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:10,815 I'm going to find something-- hey, when I get out of here, 91 00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,861 I'm going to find a German, say, "Excuse me, 92 00:04:12,904 --> 00:04:14,515 could you make me a cake please? 93 00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:16,604 I couldn't help but notice you were German. 94 00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:19,433 I love what you've done with the cake." 95 00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:22,305 But yeah, it's that kind of deal. 96 00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:24,568 And I'm wondering how long do I want to do this? 97 00:04:24,612 --> 00:04:25,917 You start thinking about home. 98 00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:29,138 You start thinking about just stuff. 99 00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:32,272 I mean, I've done everything I came out here to do, 100 00:04:32,315 --> 00:04:33,838 and feel like I've done it well. 101 00:04:33,882 --> 00:04:36,319 But it's like, how long are you going to keep going, bud? 102 00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:39,279 I'm like, I don't know, just whenever. 103 00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:40,845 I guess I'll know when the time's right. 104 00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:45,676 Whenever that's-- enough's enough, I'll Sally forth, 105 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:51,203 sashay, saunter, gallop, frolic my way out of here. 106 00:04:51,247 --> 00:04:56,339 So that's where we are. 107 00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:59,647 [dramatic music] 108 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:11,615 [instrument playing] 109 00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:17,229 [lucas harmonizing] 110 00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:41,602 LUCAS: Been out here about a month now. 111 00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:43,952 I haven't gone too crazy or I already am. 112 00:05:47,477 --> 00:05:48,870 It doesn't sound like a long time 113 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:52,352 when I think about it, because it's just one month. 114 00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:54,136 But the reality is, is that it feels 115 00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:57,879 like many different experiences-- 116 00:05:57,922 --> 00:06:00,838 so many. 117 00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:03,188 I've made like, two or three different shelters. 118 00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:05,408 That thing that looks like it's on fire in the background 119 00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:08,324 is really just my smoky teepee. 120 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,196 Just nice lean-to with a flat top that provides me 121 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,198 a workspace, a fire. 122 00:06:13,242 --> 00:06:15,418 [rain lightly falling] 123 00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:20,205 I built here, emptied out, got my boat operational, 124 00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:26,255 found clams, started catching fish, built an instrument. 125 00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:28,083 It's just been a wild ride. 126 00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:34,176 You know, the isolation, the not steady diet, 127 00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:38,746 the lack of full calories, not eating, filling myself, doing 128 00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:40,704 this all, dragging around camera equipment, 129 00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:43,751 building, making, doing, trying to stay warm, 130 00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:46,493 trying to stay healthy, try not to get sick, 131 00:06:46,536 --> 00:06:53,456 trying to find medicine, and then working with your past, 132 00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,676 and working with your present, working with your future. 133 00:06:55,719 --> 00:06:57,765 You know, my past is coming up. 134 00:06:57,808 --> 00:06:58,635 It's already come up. 135 00:06:58,679 --> 00:07:01,116 It still comes up. 136 00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:03,901 My relationships with people I used to have and still have 137 00:07:03,945 --> 00:07:07,557 and making peace with all of that. 138 00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:11,605 You know, and making peace with being alone. 139 00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:15,043 This has just been-- 140 00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:17,219 it's unlike anything I've ever experienced. 141 00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:18,350 I can't run away. 142 00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:20,701 I can't stress that enough. 143 00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:22,529 I have to look at my life. 144 00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:24,705 I have to look at how I feel about things. 145 00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:29,013 I can't stuff the emotion away with something else. 146 00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:34,366 I can't stuff it away with food or with another relationship 147 00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:41,722 or with a phone or with an internet or with an activity. 148 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:44,376 I have to look at it. 149 00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:46,770 And yesterday, I broke down. 150 00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:48,468 I broke down and I wailed. 151 00:07:48,511 --> 00:07:50,078 I wailed in the forest again. 152 00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:51,079 I just-- 153 00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:52,994 [weakly laughing] 154 00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:56,258 And it's amazing because you can cry in the forest, 155 00:07:56,301 --> 00:07:57,520 and nobody can hear you. 156 00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:58,608 And you can just-- 157 00:07:58,652 --> 00:08:02,133 [imitating a yell] let it out, man. 158 00:08:02,177 --> 00:08:03,308 You can just yell. 159 00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:05,746 You can just yell. 160 00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:08,575 And I did for a little bit. 161 00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:12,927 And most of time, I'm concerned about my prestige or position 162 00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:15,973 in the world or getting ahead or being somebody. 163 00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,019 Maybe it's because I wasn't really great at sports 164 00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:19,977 or I wasn't really a great artist 165 00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:22,937 or I was really a great musician or I wasn't creating anything. 166 00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:27,463 You know, a lot of this, I think, 167 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,814 is just accepting who I am at 32. 168 00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:34,209 It's like a pre-midlife crisis or something. 169 00:08:34,252 --> 00:08:36,559 I don't know. 170 00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:39,693 Damn it, I wish I was stronger. 171 00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:40,737 I just don't know if I got it in me. 172 00:08:47,396 --> 00:08:51,226 [crying] 173 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:00,061 [dramatic music] 174 00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:15,685 SAM: None of the traps were triggered last night. 175 00:09:15,729 --> 00:09:21,909 I am so hungry, and it's just wearing on me. 176 00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:25,782 So today, I said I am going to try to hunt something. 177 00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:27,523 [music playing] 178 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,221 I'm going to go ahead and take the bow into the Enchanted 179 00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:33,268 Forest back here to see if we can't find ourselves 180 00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:35,052 some squirrel. 181 00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:38,142 When you bow hunt in Nebraska, you get your bow, 182 00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:40,492 and you set up on a deer trail, and you wait for the deer 183 00:09:40,536 --> 00:09:41,972 to come. 184 00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:45,802 And when it gets to 15 or 20 yards, you shoot it. 185 00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:48,196 On Vancouver Island, I seen nothing-- 186 00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:52,722 no little animals, no medium sized game like raccoons. 187 00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:55,246 I haven't seen a single porcupine. 188 00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:56,639 There's nothing to get. 189 00:09:56,683 --> 00:10:00,469 There's not even any rabbits out here. 190 00:10:00,512 --> 00:10:04,168 This is totally just a last ditch effort to get some food. 191 00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:07,607 I don't care if it's a mouse or if it's a worm, 192 00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:09,609 I just want something edible. 193 00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:11,611 If I don't eat, I'm going to die. 194 00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:30,107 What is that? 195 00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:32,414 [animal calling] 196 00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:38,681 [music playing] 197 00:10:56,133 --> 00:11:02,574 I'm going to go out and hunt, find ourself some squirrel. 198 00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:15,457 [suspenseful music] 199 00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:16,197 What is that? 200 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,374 [animal calling] 201 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:20,984 [bow shooting] 202 00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:25,510 Just missed him. 203 00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:30,298 Man, this sucks. 204 00:11:36,217 --> 00:11:40,090 So I do have a mouse that I caught in the traps 205 00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:43,746 this morning, so we'll eat that. 206 00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:46,967 Other than that though, pretty hungry. 207 00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:56,759 Things are just going south really, really fast. 208 00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,848 [exhale] 209 00:12:04,636 --> 00:12:07,074 Dear Lord, thank you for this day. 210 00:12:07,117 --> 00:12:11,339 Thank you for the mice you blessed me with. 211 00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:14,255 It helped me to not feel down when I do have failures 212 00:12:14,298 --> 00:12:16,910 out here. 213 00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,868 And thank you for every small success 214 00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:21,741 that I've had out here, Lord. 215 00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:22,393 Amen. 216 00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:30,314 [somber music] 217 00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:46,461 It's that first light. 218 00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:49,943 The wind is blowing in such a way-- 219 00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:54,425 I would estimate 60, maybe 65 miles an hour. 220 00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:56,863 It's that intense. 221 00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,429 You can hear the wind. 222 00:12:58,473 --> 00:13:00,562 I'm going to put on socks and boots 223 00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:03,521 and walk down and just kind of see where the tide is at here. 224 00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:05,436 This is kind of near first light, 225 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,699 so I just want to look and see kind of where it is. 226 00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:08,744 I might grab some seaweed. 227 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,267 I'm pretty hungry. 228 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,792 And if it's low enough and something's in the gill net, 229 00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:14,750 I'll cut it up and throw it in the pot. 230 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,840 Or just anything I can find really, because it looks 231 00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,407 like I'm going to be laid in again today 232 00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:22,062 because this weather's pretty foul. 233 00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:24,368 I'm not going to take my pot or my knife, 234 00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,980 because I've gotten rain water in the pot that has collected 235 00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:28,111 overnight. 236 00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:31,158 I've got to funnel it into my gallon. 237 00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:32,376 [groan] 238 00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:35,815 My feet feel numb. 239 00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:44,214 The pins and needles-- achy, but kind of numb. 240 00:13:44,258 --> 00:13:45,868 And the gill net's not going to be 241 00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:49,002 where I can get to it anyway. 242 00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:51,091 There's a lot of chop on the water. 243 00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:52,832 Wasn't even worth getting out here really, 244 00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:55,182 but I felt like I needed to come look. 245 00:13:55,225 --> 00:13:59,360 So at first light, the gill net is like, half exposed. 246 00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:04,191 So in the next two to three days, 247 00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:06,280 it'll be optimal to come out at first light 248 00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:10,110 and check the gill net, and I can start feeding again. 249 00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:12,895 Because I'm not very well nourished right now, 250 00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:14,027 just to be honest with you. 251 00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,245 I've not-- 252 00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:16,725 [sigh] 253 00:14:16,768 --> 00:14:20,120 I've not eaten the past couple of days like I need to. 254 00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:23,863 It's been very minimal, just enough to stay alive. 255 00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,908 Just some seaweed, you know? 256 00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,867 A couple limpets here and there. 257 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,825 So I'm going to come down here and get some seaweed, 258 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,827 because I've got to keep going. 259 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,657 I can't just totally neglect my nutrition. 260 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:36,614 I feel like I'm starving. 261 00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:43,926 Hey, here's some bull kelp. 262 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,319 [music playing] 263 00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:46,537 Yeah. 264 00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:49,497 Let me look at this up close. 265 00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:54,110 It's got some fungus growing on it. 266 00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:57,548 But I'm going to wash it off and go for it anyway. 267 00:14:57,592 --> 00:14:58,071 It's not too bad. 268 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:06,601 Yeah. 269 00:15:06,644 --> 00:15:07,471 It's not bad. 270 00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:14,000 It's nutrition anyway. 271 00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,009 Now, I'm going to go for some bladderwrack. 272 00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:33,367 And I'm going to go lay back in, cause this weather is not 273 00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:34,977 the kind of weather you want to be out in. 274 00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:44,682 All right, back to bed. 275 00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:46,989 Back in the house, I go. 276 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:50,123 [suspenseful music] 277 00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:02,918 [lucas vocalizing] 278 00:16:27,943 --> 00:16:30,511 LUCAS: At first I really wanted to win because I didn't want 279 00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:33,644 to look like a failure, and that was like my own personal battle 280 00:16:33,688 --> 00:16:35,690 with insecurity-- 281 00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:38,127 just being insecure and being worried about what people 282 00:16:38,171 --> 00:16:39,520 think of me. 283 00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:41,043 Now I'm over it. 284 00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:43,698 I've done some cool stuff out here that I'm proud of, 285 00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:45,961 that I'm proud of, and hopefully my family and friends 286 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:46,657 are proud of. 287 00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:55,101 You know, you start worrying about how good you are compared 288 00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:56,928 to other people, you'll never win. 289 00:16:56,972 --> 00:16:57,973 You'll never win at anything. 290 00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:04,414 Being here gave me the opportunity 291 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:06,938 to reflect upon my life in a way that I've never 292 00:17:06,982 --> 00:17:08,766 had a chance to reflect on it. 293 00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:11,943 I realize that, for me, there's something bigger going on here, 294 00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:14,598 something bigger going on that wasn't about the money, 295 00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:16,513 wasn't about the prize, and wasn't about being number one. 296 00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,317 OK. 297 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:38,622 There's a point where you just got to go. 298 00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:46,108 [music playing] 299 00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:08,391 [rain lightly falling] 300 00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:09,262 All right, let's do this. 301 00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:16,921 All right, I'm making the call. 302 00:18:16,965 --> 00:18:18,967 This time I'm done. 303 00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:30,152 You know, I was trying to win, and I let that go. 304 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,857 I came in here with two intentions-- 305 00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:42,382 to see if I could win, and I also came in here 306 00:18:42,425 --> 00:18:46,690 to experience being alone in the wilderness 307 00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:50,216 and to see what I could do and see what it would be like. 308 00:18:50,259 --> 00:18:53,132 And what I found was incredible. 309 00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:55,438 It wasn't just the physical stuff-- 310 00:18:55,482 --> 00:18:59,573 make a shelter and put up fish lines and find water 311 00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:00,878 and boil it. 312 00:19:00,922 --> 00:19:05,231 There was a lot of stuff inside that came out. 313 00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:09,757 I started to find pieces of me that I never yet shook hands 314 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:13,282 with or pieces in me that I didn't want to look 315 00:19:13,326 --> 00:19:15,980 at because they were painful. 316 00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:18,244 It was hard. 317 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:20,550 I came in here to see how far I could go. 318 00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:22,161 [whistling] 319 00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:25,164 And I don't want to push myself past a point 320 00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:26,774 that I can't come back out of. 321 00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:33,346 I'm happy now because there's a story in me that 322 00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:35,217 needed to be written. 323 00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:40,004 This chapter's done, and there's another chapter coming up. 324 00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:42,659 Those feelings and that rawness I touched out here, 325 00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:44,705 that vulnerability-- like, that compassion-- 326 00:19:44,748 --> 00:19:48,361 I'm going to see if I can take it with me. 327 00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:51,233 And I'm going back with a different sense of me, 328 00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:54,541 a different sense of who I am. 329 00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:55,194 I can't wait. 330 00:20:00,895 --> 00:20:05,073 [music playing] 331 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,960 MITCH: Check out what I just found. 332 00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:25,659 I just found a dead sea otter. 333 00:20:25,702 --> 00:20:26,355 Move all this seaweed. 334 00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:33,275 You know, the natives in this area used to highly prize 335 00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:34,842 their pelts. 336 00:20:34,885 --> 00:20:37,148 Oh, man. 337 00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:39,716 His hide might be salvageable. 338 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:44,243 That'd be pretty cool-- a nice project to work on. 339 00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:46,419 Would love to have a sea otter hide back home. 340 00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,990 [music playing] 341 00:20:56,690 --> 00:21:00,433 My biggest fear is not connecting to land, 342 00:21:00,476 --> 00:21:03,174 not having a relationship with the land, 343 00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:04,828 not communicating with-- 344 00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:08,397 the land not communicating with me. 345 00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:14,621 Because when you go to a place, they have feelings, you know? 346 00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:17,580 Some places feel sacred, some places feel sterile. 347 00:21:22,455 --> 00:21:25,153 Sometimes the land just rejects you, 348 00:21:25,196 --> 00:21:28,243 and the person perishes, their boat sinks, 349 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,811 their dog sled team dies. 350 00:21:30,854 --> 00:21:33,901 Everything happens and, like, they die. 351 00:21:33,944 --> 00:21:37,426 If you keep wandering places and not finding what you need, 352 00:21:37,470 --> 00:21:39,950 it's like the land doesn't want you there. 353 00:21:39,994 --> 00:21:42,213 OK. 354 00:21:42,257 --> 00:21:43,084 [sigh] 355 00:21:43,127 --> 00:21:43,867 That was a brutal job. 356 00:21:48,132 --> 00:21:51,571 It's completely dark right now, and I had 357 00:21:51,614 --> 00:21:55,009 to kind of hack and pack it. 358 00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:55,792 This is my sea otter hide. 359 00:21:59,579 --> 00:22:00,231 Oh, that's amazing. 360 00:22:03,017 --> 00:22:05,628 What a gift. 361 00:22:05,672 --> 00:22:08,805 [dramatic music] 362 00:22:16,900 --> 00:22:19,990 SAM: I'm definitely losing it-- 363 00:22:20,034 --> 00:22:23,211 not good mentally. 364 00:22:23,254 --> 00:22:27,346 I am not good in the head right now. 365 00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:28,956 Man. 366 00:22:28,999 --> 00:22:32,220 I just-- I'm not used to feeling this way. 367 00:22:32,263 --> 00:22:37,399 I'm not used to feeling this helpless. 368 00:22:40,489 --> 00:22:43,753 I've never had this feeling before. 369 00:22:43,797 --> 00:22:46,582 It's like every time I'm in the woods, I'm really happy. 370 00:22:46,626 --> 00:22:52,806 But now, just how crazy this whole thing has been 371 00:22:52,849 --> 00:22:55,983 and how difficult it is and the fact that I'm just so 372 00:22:56,026 --> 00:22:57,201 isolated out here. 373 00:22:57,245 --> 00:23:00,988 And that I just want to speak to my wife. 374 00:23:01,031 --> 00:23:02,381 And I just want to-- 375 00:23:05,645 --> 00:23:08,648 I just want a little taste of comfort. 376 00:23:08,691 --> 00:23:10,563 I'm not asking for much-- 377 00:23:10,606 --> 00:23:14,175 just, like, a little, just something, you know? 378 00:23:18,701 --> 00:23:23,576 And I'm just getting the crap beat out of me out here. 379 00:23:23,619 --> 00:23:24,707 It's not something I can sustain. 380 00:23:30,496 --> 00:23:31,148 Man. 381 00:23:35,152 --> 00:23:38,025 There's no way to experience how tough this is unless you've 382 00:23:38,068 --> 00:23:43,378 actually been in a situation like this or done this before. 383 00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:44,684 There's no way to explain it. 384 00:23:48,514 --> 00:23:51,734 It's like your heart's just getting pounded on, 385 00:23:51,778 --> 00:23:54,128 and you're just hungry all the time. 386 00:23:54,171 --> 00:23:56,478 All day, you're just hungry, and you just 387 00:23:56,522 --> 00:23:58,349 want a little something to eat. 388 00:23:58,393 --> 00:24:02,832 Even, like, a handful of just plain flour, 389 00:24:02,876 --> 00:24:04,834 I'd take right now-- 390 00:24:04,878 --> 00:24:08,447 just, like, a little something. 391 00:24:08,490 --> 00:24:11,493 Something like an orange just sounds luxurious. 392 00:24:11,537 --> 00:24:15,366 You just want something, something 393 00:24:15,410 --> 00:24:18,718 to eat to get you calories so that you can just feel better, 394 00:24:18,761 --> 00:24:23,244 but it's nothing there for you. 395 00:24:27,335 --> 00:24:28,554 I just want something. 396 00:24:35,212 --> 00:24:39,042 [music playing] 397 00:24:55,319 --> 00:24:57,060 ALAN: All right, I got suited up. 398 00:24:57,104 --> 00:24:58,540 I got my pot. 399 00:24:58,584 --> 00:25:00,194 I got the fire started, and I put enough on there 400 00:25:00,237 --> 00:25:03,806 to hopefully keep it going while I'm gone. 401 00:25:03,850 --> 00:25:06,069 But I went down, and I was looking kind 402 00:25:06,113 --> 00:25:08,071 of around the gill net area. 403 00:25:08,115 --> 00:25:10,160 And I saw the gill net pop a couple times, 404 00:25:10,204 --> 00:25:13,860 the top line, which tells me something's probably in it. 405 00:25:13,903 --> 00:25:18,299 So whatever that takes, I got to get one meal there. 406 00:25:18,342 --> 00:25:19,343 One meal's better than no meal. 407 00:25:23,478 --> 00:25:26,046 There is one dogfish, that my net was moving for a reason. 408 00:25:33,749 --> 00:25:36,360 It's not too shabby. 409 00:25:36,404 --> 00:25:39,102 Not too shabby of a meal right there. 410 00:25:39,146 --> 00:25:46,153 Two nice fish, a lot of good vegetables, limpets, mussels. 411 00:25:46,196 --> 00:25:51,027 I'm just going to cap it off and take that puppy to camp. 412 00:25:51,071 --> 00:25:53,421 And it did start raining, but now it's backed off again. 413 00:25:53,464 --> 00:25:55,249 So I'm glad I did it. 414 00:25:55,292 --> 00:25:56,903 I hope my fire is still it. 415 00:25:56,946 --> 00:25:59,035 All I've got to do is bring this to a boil, and then I'm eating. 416 00:26:03,518 --> 00:26:05,389 Be interested to see what's happening with the fire. 417 00:26:09,219 --> 00:26:09,916 Yeah. 418 00:26:09,959 --> 00:26:10,917 Gone. 419 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,266 Dag gone, that fire is gone. 420 00:26:12,309 --> 00:26:13,833 [music playing] 421 00:26:13,876 --> 00:26:19,795 Full raging fire and that's all that's left, coals. 422 00:26:19,839 --> 00:26:23,277 Walk down to the beach, come back, it's gone. 423 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:24,626 That's how fast this stuff burned. 424 00:26:28,891 --> 00:26:30,458 I'm running out of time. 425 00:26:30,501 --> 00:26:31,981 But just real quick, I'll show you. 426 00:26:32,025 --> 00:26:35,463 See I put those curly pieces on there? 427 00:26:35,506 --> 00:26:36,203 So when you stoke them-- 428 00:26:36,246 --> 00:26:39,336 [blowing] 429 00:26:39,380 --> 00:26:41,600 - -they just come right back to life. 430 00:26:41,643 --> 00:26:42,731 That's how you recover your fire. 431 00:26:49,564 --> 00:26:51,827 Still got that going. 432 00:26:55,135 --> 00:26:57,311 I'm just getting pieces like that, 433 00:26:57,354 --> 00:27:00,923 and I'm setting them in there, trying to keep it alive, 434 00:27:00,967 --> 00:27:01,620 keep it going. 435 00:27:05,580 --> 00:27:08,757 This thing is a constant struggle. 436 00:27:08,801 --> 00:27:10,672 And with the weather, I've just had to lay in. 437 00:27:10,716 --> 00:27:11,673 It's been really challenging. 438 00:27:11,717 --> 00:27:13,109 It's like wait, wait-- 439 00:27:13,153 --> 00:27:14,110 now, run! 440 00:27:14,154 --> 00:27:15,677 Go, get it! 441 00:27:15,721 --> 00:27:17,418 And you got an hour to do all these things-- fire, food, 442 00:27:17,461 --> 00:27:19,028 clean up, get water, come back, get it boiling. 443 00:27:23,598 --> 00:27:25,078 Mm. 444 00:27:25,121 --> 00:27:25,731 Jackpot. 445 00:27:28,255 --> 00:27:29,604 Yeah. 446 00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:30,953 These aren't the best tasting fish in the world, 447 00:27:30,997 --> 00:27:35,305 but I'm blessed to have them. 448 00:27:35,349 --> 00:27:37,351 Because somewhere in the world right now, 449 00:27:37,394 --> 00:27:39,614 there's somebody that would give anything 450 00:27:39,658 --> 00:27:41,703 if they could have this meal. 451 00:27:41,747 --> 00:27:44,184 Here comes the rain. 452 00:27:44,227 --> 00:27:45,359 Boy, I'll tell you. 453 00:27:45,402 --> 00:27:46,403 This place here will keep you hopping. 454 00:27:46,447 --> 00:27:49,493 [rain rapidly falling] 455 00:27:51,104 --> 00:27:54,107 Please let that rain hold off. 456 00:27:54,150 --> 00:27:54,847 Give me 10 minutes. 457 00:27:58,981 --> 00:28:00,243 Not going to happen. 458 00:28:04,987 --> 00:28:06,641 Oh, well. 459 00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:07,990 I've been wet before. 460 00:28:08,034 --> 00:28:10,079 [rain pouring] 461 00:28:10,123 --> 00:28:11,646 Now that's starting to feel like a storm. 462 00:28:19,045 --> 00:28:20,873 I got to eat what's left of this chow with a quickness. 463 00:28:27,183 --> 00:28:29,229 This is without a doubt some of the worst weather 464 00:28:29,272 --> 00:28:31,797 I've ever lived through. 465 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,277 This place just-- 466 00:28:34,321 --> 00:28:37,411 [sigh] it changes so rapidly. 467 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:41,807 And sometimes it'll toy with you. 468 00:28:41,850 --> 00:28:44,374 You know, it'll look like it's about to rain and it won't. 469 00:28:44,418 --> 00:28:46,115 And then here you're looking, thinking, 470 00:28:46,159 --> 00:28:48,030 OK, well, I need to do this so I'm going to get up. 471 00:28:48,074 --> 00:28:50,293 And in about time you stick a toe out the door-- 472 00:28:50,337 --> 00:28:52,121 - [imitating explosion] - -rain, and then a blizzard. 473 00:28:52,165 --> 00:28:53,601 It's just-- wow. 474 00:28:53,644 --> 00:28:54,384 Who can keep up? 475 00:29:02,915 --> 00:29:06,092 [dramatic music] 476 00:29:13,926 --> 00:29:15,754 MITCH: So I got up at 10:00 today-- 477 00:29:15,797 --> 00:29:19,061 beautiful, a perfect day. 478 00:29:19,105 --> 00:29:20,541 Ready to take on the world, man. 479 00:29:20,584 --> 00:29:21,803 You know, this is good. 480 00:29:21,847 --> 00:29:23,326 You know, I'm, like, putting my microphone on 481 00:29:23,370 --> 00:29:24,980 and doing everything I have to do to film. 482 00:29:25,024 --> 00:29:26,765 And I was going to do my intro for the day. 483 00:29:26,808 --> 00:29:32,683 And then I was like, no. 484 00:29:32,727 --> 00:29:33,772 I don't want to do my intro right now. 485 00:29:37,471 --> 00:29:40,082 I'm just not feeling good all of a sudden. 486 00:29:40,126 --> 00:29:43,651 [thoughtful music] 487 00:29:43,694 --> 00:29:50,963 It's amazing how quick your emotions can turn. 488 00:29:54,705 --> 00:29:57,578 Before I left, my mom became really sick. 489 00:30:01,060 --> 00:30:05,891 She was diagnosed with cancer, brain cancer. 490 00:30:15,944 --> 00:30:19,774 She knew she might not be there when I get back. 491 00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:21,950 She told me to keep going, if I was here when it happened. 492 00:30:24,997 --> 00:30:28,348 She made me promise I'd stay. 493 00:30:28,391 --> 00:30:29,305 I don't know if I can do that. 494 00:30:40,316 --> 00:30:44,451 I think tomorrow's just like Thanksgiving, you know? 495 00:30:44,494 --> 00:30:48,411 But I don't know if she's going to be there when I get back. 496 00:30:48,455 --> 00:30:51,588 Because the doctor said the cancer was very bad, 497 00:30:51,632 --> 00:30:55,505 the prognosis was very short. 498 00:30:55,549 --> 00:30:59,858 I could lose what time I have left with her. 499 00:30:59,901 --> 00:31:02,948 I just think maybe I'm making a mistake, 500 00:31:02,991 --> 00:31:05,254 and I just keep thinking about how fast it happened. 501 00:31:11,478 --> 00:31:15,047 I'm not ready to lose my mom. 502 00:31:15,090 --> 00:31:19,268 I'm just not ready to lose my mom. 503 00:31:19,312 --> 00:31:22,489 [crying] 504 00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:28,799 And the longer I stay here, it's like more time away from her. 505 00:31:28,843 --> 00:31:29,452 I don't get it. 506 00:31:40,159 --> 00:31:44,032 [music playing] 507 00:32:02,181 --> 00:32:03,660 ALAN: I'm so over it. 508 00:32:03,704 --> 00:32:04,400 The weather-- 509 00:32:04,444 --> 00:32:06,359 [disapproving humming] 510 00:32:06,402 --> 00:32:08,622 There's snow on the ground, and now it's raining. 511 00:32:08,665 --> 00:32:13,061 So now we have the combination of frigid cold and raining. 512 00:32:13,105 --> 00:32:17,152 It's just-- wow. 513 00:32:17,196 --> 00:32:19,459 So I'll be laying here today in the bed. 514 00:32:19,502 --> 00:32:22,853 I can't think of any good reason to get up and get out there. 515 00:32:22,897 --> 00:32:26,509 Just in the time it takes me to get out of bed 516 00:32:26,553 --> 00:32:29,773 and go to the door of my shelter to urinate, 517 00:32:29,817 --> 00:32:32,733 my hands just tighten up, the skin on them. 518 00:32:32,776 --> 00:32:36,476 You know, it's just this penetrating cold and moisture 519 00:32:36,519 --> 00:32:37,999 combined. 520 00:32:38,043 --> 00:32:42,438 So I won't be doing anything until the weather changes. 521 00:32:42,482 --> 00:32:44,701 I have water laid in. 522 00:32:44,745 --> 00:32:46,007 And that's all I really need today, 523 00:32:46,051 --> 00:32:48,531 is to lay here and hydrate. 524 00:32:48,575 --> 00:32:50,925 The psychology part is really kicking in. 525 00:32:50,969 --> 00:32:54,842 I'm really thinking to myself, OK, what are you doing here? 526 00:32:54,885 --> 00:32:55,799 What more is there to do? 527 00:32:55,843 --> 00:32:57,801 You know, you can live here. 528 00:32:57,845 --> 00:33:00,369 You've came, you've done. 529 00:33:00,413 --> 00:33:01,501 Now-- what? 530 00:33:01,544 --> 00:33:02,937 Now what? 531 00:33:02,981 --> 00:33:04,591 Who are you doing any good out here? 532 00:33:04,634 --> 00:33:05,853 You know? 533 00:33:05,896 --> 00:33:07,986 I'm not helping anybody, not doing anything. 534 00:33:08,029 --> 00:33:13,643 I'm just doing survival stuff, which I already know I can do. 535 00:33:13,687 --> 00:33:20,737 So it's like hm, yeah, you start to sort of think about that. 536 00:33:20,781 --> 00:33:24,567 [dramatic music] 537 00:33:36,623 --> 00:33:38,538 [heavy sigh] 538 00:33:38,581 --> 00:33:45,327 MITCH: I have a lot of anxiety not knowing if my mom is OK. 539 00:33:45,371 --> 00:33:47,938 And it just hit me really hard when I was splitting wood. 540 00:33:47,982 --> 00:33:52,030 It just stopped me dead in my tracks. 541 00:33:52,073 --> 00:33:53,596 It just, like, took my breath. 542 00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:57,557 I couldn't-- I couldn't pick up my ax for another swing. 543 00:34:01,909 --> 00:34:03,128 I just couldn't do it. 544 00:34:03,171 --> 00:34:04,129 I still haven't done it. 545 00:34:04,172 --> 00:34:05,434 My ax is still laying there. 546 00:34:08,655 --> 00:34:11,092 [thoughtful music] 547 00:34:14,226 --> 00:34:14,965 How is she doing? 548 00:34:15,009 --> 00:34:17,707 I have no idea. 549 00:34:17,751 --> 00:34:20,710 Is she back in the hospital? 550 00:34:20,754 --> 00:34:23,104 I have no idea. 551 00:34:23,148 --> 00:34:25,063 Like, how do those treatments go? 552 00:34:25,106 --> 00:34:28,240 I have no idea. 553 00:34:28,283 --> 00:34:33,723 Made me promise I'd stay and not go back home. 554 00:34:33,767 --> 00:34:34,724 I don't know if I can do that. 555 00:34:39,294 --> 00:34:40,165 I mean, the cancer's in her brain. 556 00:34:43,864 --> 00:34:46,649 They said it can't be beaten. 557 00:34:46,693 --> 00:34:50,088 She had, like, up to a year prognosis, 558 00:34:50,131 --> 00:34:53,308 maybe even a couple more months, the doctor said. 559 00:34:53,352 --> 00:35:00,881 She's probably doing fine, but sudden things can happen. 560 00:35:00,924 --> 00:35:03,013 You know, her getting sick was sudden. 561 00:35:03,057 --> 00:35:03,971 It was instant. 562 00:35:04,014 --> 00:35:05,190 It was like, mom's fine. 563 00:35:05,233 --> 00:35:06,365 Like, no, what do you mean? 564 00:35:06,408 --> 00:35:07,453 Nothing-- mom's 100%. 565 00:35:07,496 --> 00:35:08,976 And all of a sudden it was like, mom 566 00:35:09,019 --> 00:35:12,110 gets rushed to the hospital. 567 00:35:12,153 --> 00:35:13,023 Something is very wrong. 568 00:35:24,034 --> 00:35:32,173 I remember talking to her when they were wheeling her out 569 00:35:32,217 --> 00:35:34,349 of the ambulance towards the emergency room doors. 570 00:35:41,835 --> 00:35:43,184 That was tough. 571 00:35:56,415 --> 00:36:01,202 Even if she's 100% right now, everything's not fine. 572 00:36:04,814 --> 00:36:06,033 I don't know. 573 00:36:06,076 --> 00:36:07,165 I really don't know why I'm here. 574 00:36:15,825 --> 00:36:19,046 [music playing] 575 00:36:34,017 --> 00:36:35,497 [heavy sigh] 576 00:36:35,541 --> 00:36:39,893 I have a lot of anxiety not knowing if my mom is OK. 577 00:36:43,636 --> 00:36:44,332 How is she doing? 578 00:36:44,376 --> 00:36:46,813 I have no idea. 579 00:36:46,856 --> 00:36:48,380 I don't know. 580 00:36:48,423 --> 00:36:50,773 I really don't know why I'm here. 581 00:36:50,817 --> 00:37:00,000 I'm just trading more time at home for time here, 582 00:37:00,043 --> 00:37:04,787 and it just seems wrong. 583 00:37:04,831 --> 00:37:07,616 I can sit here and keep living off the land. 584 00:37:07,660 --> 00:37:12,752 It's like, I can just keep doing that, and for what? 585 00:37:12,795 --> 00:37:14,536 For more enjoyment? 586 00:37:14,580 --> 00:37:15,668 For more money? 587 00:37:21,587 --> 00:37:22,240 No. 588 00:37:24,894 --> 00:37:25,504 No. 589 00:37:34,164 --> 00:37:35,688 I'm her son. 590 00:37:35,731 --> 00:37:36,993 That's my mother. 591 00:37:40,736 --> 00:37:45,698 And I know in my heart, I need to go see her. 592 00:38:12,159 --> 00:38:14,727 I'm done. 593 00:38:14,770 --> 00:38:17,077 I want to go home. 594 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:20,515 [music playing] 595 00:38:28,088 --> 00:38:29,698 I need to see my mom, man. 596 00:38:29,742 --> 00:38:30,438 You know? 597 00:38:30,482 --> 00:38:32,092 And I know it. 598 00:38:32,135 --> 00:38:36,488 So when you know these things, you know these things, period. 599 00:38:39,665 --> 00:38:42,885 When you think for as long as I have out here in the woods 600 00:38:42,929 --> 00:38:48,108 alone for this many days, it changes you. 601 00:38:48,151 --> 00:38:50,328 I mean, it changes you. 602 00:38:50,371 --> 00:38:52,895 I'm not the same person. 603 00:38:52,939 --> 00:38:57,770 I just can't wait to get back home to make people's lives 604 00:38:57,813 --> 00:39:01,948 better, to make people happy, to take the weight off of people's 605 00:39:01,991 --> 00:39:06,169 shoulders, to lighten their step. 606 00:39:06,213 --> 00:39:07,083 I can't wait to do that. 607 00:39:11,131 --> 00:39:14,526 [suspenseful music] 608 00:39:24,492 --> 00:39:28,322 [rain falling] 609 00:39:33,371 --> 00:39:35,198 [exhaling] 610 00:39:36,852 --> 00:39:40,160 The frustration is kind of kicking in a little bit. 611 00:39:40,203 --> 00:39:42,380 I'm getting a little more, just, cranky, I guess. 612 00:39:50,083 --> 00:39:51,867 SAM: You just get to the point where you're-- 613 00:39:51,911 --> 00:39:53,869 [exhaling] 614 00:39:53,913 --> 00:39:59,353 - -when you just don't want to be out here anymore. 615 00:39:59,397 --> 00:40:00,920 ALAN: I set my mind to come in here 616 00:40:00,963 --> 00:40:05,011 and survive and do this thing, and that's what I'm doing. 617 00:40:05,054 --> 00:40:08,275 And part of me is like, man, how long do you want to do it, 618 00:40:08,318 --> 00:40:10,233 you know? 619 00:40:10,277 --> 00:40:11,452 You're sick of it. 620 00:40:11,496 --> 00:40:14,629 You're just sick of it raining. 621 00:40:14,673 --> 00:40:17,415 You're sick of the wind just pounding on your shelter, 622 00:40:17,458 --> 00:40:20,461 and you're sick of it all. 623 00:40:20,505 --> 00:40:21,201 [groan] 624 00:40:21,244 --> 00:40:23,769 This place, you know-- 625 00:40:23,812 --> 00:40:24,900 I'm starting to hate it. 626 00:40:27,686 --> 00:40:33,474 I could make a phone call right now 627 00:40:33,518 --> 00:40:37,173 and say, hey, I'm tapping out. 628 00:40:37,217 --> 00:40:39,045 I'm done with this. 629 00:40:39,088 --> 00:40:42,178 This is just not fun anymore. 630 00:40:42,222 --> 00:40:44,572 ALAN: I'm ready to go home. 631 00:40:44,616 --> 00:40:49,795 I guess what I'm waiting on is to hit a wall. 632 00:40:49,838 --> 00:40:52,014 To just kind of come to a point-- either, 633 00:40:52,058 --> 00:40:54,060 I don't know, physically, mentally, or whatever-- 634 00:40:54,103 --> 00:40:57,280 to where I just, I'm done. 635 00:40:57,324 --> 00:41:00,370 I really, really want to just get out of here 636 00:41:00,414 --> 00:41:10,511 and get warm and get dry and get food and talk to my family. 637 00:41:10,555 --> 00:41:14,689 So I guess I'm going to just keep driving on until I can't 638 00:41:14,733 --> 00:41:17,649 drive on, you know? 639 00:41:17,692 --> 00:41:20,478 I'm not real big into quitting anyway. 640 00:41:20,521 --> 00:41:22,088 Most things that I do, I don't quit at. 641 00:41:22,131 --> 00:41:26,266 I just get it done. 642 00:41:26,309 --> 00:41:32,707 This is not good right now, but you know what? 643 00:41:32,751 --> 00:41:34,274 That doesn't matter, because sometimes-- 644 00:41:39,932 --> 00:41:42,543 like, sometimes in your life you're going to want to quit. 645 00:41:42,587 --> 00:41:44,110 Things aren't going to just be happy. 646 00:41:44,153 --> 00:41:46,286 It's not always just going to be sunshine and roses 647 00:41:46,329 --> 00:41:47,983 every single day. 648 00:41:48,027 --> 00:41:49,594 Bad things are going to happen. 649 00:41:49,637 --> 00:41:52,858 So even though I might want to just go be comfortable 650 00:41:52,901 --> 00:41:59,647 right now, absolutely no part of me is tapping out. 651 00:41:59,691 --> 00:42:00,909 That's a fact. 652 00:42:00,953 --> 00:42:02,607 They'll either come and get me one day 653 00:42:02,650 --> 00:42:04,565 and say, OK, you're done. 654 00:42:04,609 --> 00:42:06,175 You can stop now. 655 00:42:06,219 --> 00:42:07,916 Or they'll medevac me out of here. 656 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:09,309 I just don't believe in quitting. 657 00:42:09,352 --> 00:42:10,310 I don't. 658 00:42:10,353 --> 00:42:11,529 I just don't quit. 659 00:42:11,572 --> 00:42:12,921 Absolutely no quit in me. 660 00:42:17,447 --> 00:42:21,582 I'm a tough Nebraska dude. 661 00:42:21,626 --> 00:42:23,323 I'm not quitting. 662 00:42:23,366 --> 00:42:25,673 I'm not giving up. 663 00:42:25,717 --> 00:42:29,198 I'm staying here no matter what. 664 00:42:29,242 --> 00:42:30,504 [dramatic music] 665 00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:32,071 When you don't have any food, you just kind of-- 666 00:42:32,114 --> 00:42:34,203 it's like you're walking in a mental fog. 667 00:42:34,247 --> 00:42:35,422 SAM: Wow. 668 00:42:35,465 --> 00:42:38,556 Shoot, I look really bad. 669 00:42:38,599 --> 00:42:41,341 And it just keeps getting worse and worse. 670 00:42:41,384 --> 00:42:42,690 This is bad. 671 00:42:42,734 --> 00:42:44,257 ALAN: The weather has just been terrible. 672 00:42:44,300 --> 00:42:46,433 It's been high winds, hurricane force. 673 00:42:46,476 --> 00:42:48,391 I haven't taped anything in three days 674 00:42:48,435 --> 00:42:49,828 because there's nothing to tape other 675 00:42:49,871 --> 00:42:51,481 than me just sitting here. 676 00:42:51,525 --> 00:42:53,745 SAM: This is the toughest thing I've ever had to do in my life. 677 00:42:53,788 --> 00:42:55,834 This place is just beating the crap out of me. 678 00:42:55,877 --> 00:42:59,402 ALAN: I still honestly don't know how long I have. 679 00:42:59,446 --> 00:43:01,404 I could just go home.